Trust is so essential And so elusive.
For me.
I am loyal, giving, hard working, forgiving (in nearly all cases, I will touch on the few that I struggle while knowing irony/hypocrisy drip).
I hold these qualities as desirable And I had them when I was young and alone.
All except the privileged expectation. The quid pro quo, if not in desired reciprocal resources then, by God, in esteem, in praise, in absolution.
My expectations of others deference, praise, and admiration, have become a cancer. A cancer that I desire. The more that I seek, the more that I find; the more that I am ashamed;
then I ponder change.
This act of contemplation nearly always derails the opportunity to grow and change.
I determine that understanding, of all things, is elusive, colored and virtually defined by one’s genetics, then mildly seasoned by experience.
Examples abound – nature dominates nurture in each individual’s life. Nature may, over the requisite millennia, bend (slightly) to nurture like the curvature of the earth.
At this point, a majority of us humans theoretically understand we live on a ball. I have yet to encounter anyone that lives in that understanding. I don’t question that we live on a ball but I question how knowledge can lead to behavioral, emotional, and intellectual change.
As the writer who may or may not be the Apostle Paul said (paraphrasing)
I know what is right And I do not do that. Period. Full Stop.
This incongruity does not give me pleasure.
It does not allow me to do whatever I want.
It weighs :/